The Astonishing Story of Single Mothers in the Land of the Rising Sun
Cross blog with Jean Alfonso-Decena
My journey into discovering a hidden story that's close to my heart, through the debut documentary of seasoned Australian filmmaker Rionne McAvoy
JEAN ALFONSO-DECENA
NOV 30, 2023
The original post can be found here:
I had the honor of watching the riveting documentary "The Ones Left Behind: The Plight of Single Mothers in Japan" earlier this year after learning about its director - Rionne McAvoy - from a woman who shared about an online screening made available for a limited time. When I saw the trailer in 2022 way before watching the film, I immediately reached out to Rionne on LinkedIn and shared my thoughts on the work he’s done. The video snippet alone was enough to pull heartstrings and educate me on a somewhat hidden fact that’s happening in the land of Kawaii.
Stunned was the first thing I felt when I saw the trailer - it opened my eyes to the fact that there are single mothers in Japan. I was a bit naive to even think that they didn’t exist here - I came into this country with the perception that it was the least of the problems here. It’s heartbreaking to learn about the day-to-day hardships of these single mothers and their children - it reminded me of some of my earlier years in Manila.
There was a period in my life when my mother single-handedly fed and raised her three children - one having cerebral palsy at that. It was already difficult for my supermom as it was - having to constantly find ways to earn our keep, tend to my special-needs brother, raise teenagers, send us to school, attend to the socio-emotional needs of everybody in our family of 4, and a multitude of responsibilities to keep all of us alive, safe and hopeful that life can get better. In spite of this, we had a roof over our heads, warm food on the table, and a village of people pitching in for childcare, bills, hand-me-downs, books, stories, food, and other basic needs. We rarely had time for loneliness because we were always surrounded by the jolliest people - Filipinos are known to make light of any and all circumstances. My mom had always stood strong, optimistic, proud, and confident behind all the struggles, which is why the hard times were easier to endure. Our simple life overflowed with love, reading, friends, family, social interactions, conversations, and playdates daily. Life wasn’t luxurious in material things, but abundant in community, kinship, silly stories, laughter, healing tears, and the promise of a better tomorrow.
Learning from the film and the talks that Rionne had, the majority of single mothers in Japan usually have just themselves, save for very few people, to help and attend to all the needs of their children and themselves. Most of the moms featured in the film have small children in tow. It’s a unique level of strength and tenacity; an incredible intensity of love and resilience. In the Philippines, single parents usually worry about money for food, bills, and medicines when someone gets sick. In Japan, single moms don’t just work all day every day towards finding all of these, they have to work multiple jobs that sometimes entail hard labor, while also raising their children, managing their homes, and a host of other responsibilities. The emotional and mental struggles that come with the territory and living in Japan are also ever-present.
These sides of their life were shown in the film, but one thing I noticed about the beautiful mothers interviewed was their gentle, loving manner of sharing their stories. Never did I feel any kind of resentment or anger as they told their tale which is common in documentaries. They radiated an aura of luminosity that only genuinely kind-hearted souls and wise humans have. They’re an astonishing combination of super warrior strength and unconditional love to keep their family afloat. It’s a sight to behold.
From my view, the film had a good recipe: a soulful approach to telling the story by seasoned filmmaker Rionne, combined with the authentic intention of sharing the journey by the mothers, plus the genuine effort to support these families by the other humans interviewed in the film who help these women. It’s an unpopular topic, but one that’s absolutely worth talking about and spreading across the world. Rionne shedding light on the life of single mothers in Japan is not just a brave step that could pave the way to bringing change to the lives of these mothers and their children but could also ignite the interest in others in taking the first step towards sharing other unpopular stories of real-life events that need to be brought into light. People who genuinely want to help other people but don’t even know that this is happening, or don’t know how they can help, are spread around the world. Well-portrayed stories such as this one help connect these people to each other and bridge the gap.
It’s not every day that we get to see a film like this- societal issues that impact the mothers and children of the world need to be brought to the forefront to give them the help they need - delivered in a way that’s informative, loving, human, real, no frills and based on experienced and embodied events. This documentary showcases the radical choice that Rionne made to feature a truth in this corner of the world and the radical consciousness in each and every one of the people who contributed to making this film. They all could have chosen to sweep these under the rug, look away, or walk in the other direction, but they took the radical path to weaving the powerful stories of all these warrior women. They serve as a strong voice for the rest of the people quietly struggling to make ends meet - the unsung heroes of societies around the world- who are some of the strongest, wisest, and most unconditional in the love they give. We could and we need to support them in more ways than just watching this film, and we have to help with all that we have.
So when I learned that I could host a private screening for them, that’s exactly what I did. I had originally scheduled an intimate talk about spiritual-tech in Manila during my trip in March of this year which I canceled to pave the way to showing this documentary. A good number of people showed up and were just as astonished as I was when they watched the film and learned the story of the single moms here. While they were stunned by what seemed like an alternate reality, they also felt the heart of the movie. From the single mothers to the children, to the people who support them, to Rionne, everyone’s sincere intention for voices to be heard and raise awareness shone through in the film. It’s heartbreaking, but also hopeful and promising to get help for the mothers.
The private screening I hosted in Manila was attended by a single mother and children of single mothers.
Fast forward to now, Rionne’s documentary has been nominated and won several awards in both the Japanese and the international scenes. Fantastic reviews keep pouring in from around the globe. Rionne and I have become friends because of this mission of his and some of our shared interests in humans supporting humans, spreading kindness, and wrestling!
May we always find the spark of kindness in our hearts, even in the darkest of times.
Donate, support, contribute, connect, and be in the loop on upcoming screenings on their website:
The Ones Left Behind: The Plight of Single Mothers in Japan.
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