Long term Tokyo resident, a Kenyan single mother called Mary, reached out to me via comments on a post of mine about my single mother documentary “The ones left behind: The plight of single mothers in Japan” last year. Mary being Kenyan was a complete coincidence, as we also have our other Kenyan warrior single mother Harriet in the film.
Mary and I met for a coffee and she came with a single A4 piece of paper that had all the things she thought should be mentioned in the film. This was a massive help to me as I was deep in the edit, so many pieces yet to be edited, with my head still not 100% fully wrapped around the issue.
Mary was the first person to see the very earliest version of the film, a version that looks very different to the end product. Something about her just made me trust her, and I could see that her goal was the same as mine - to raise awareness of the plight of single mothers in Japan. Here is Mary’s review of the film.
Mary’s review
When I first saw Rionne’s post about the documentary, my first thought was “finally someone is finally interested in this topic, a topc that hasn’t been explored at all!”
It felt great to be finally seen and heard. I left a comment and started following him just so that I could see the progress and final product.
Seeing the documentary was like seeing my life in a movie. The stories told by the brave, courageous single mothers in the documentary sounded and felt very familiar. Their stories were captured so well that I could feel their emotions jumping out of the screen.
Rionne’s amazing use of archival footage of old Japan and of Japanese post war history answered the so many why’s that I had and most importantly, I learned so much about the Japanese systems. I learned there is a bigger problem that needs to be discussed. Mostly, I was very shocked to know that a single parent living with parents wouldn’t be able to receive help from the government. It just didn’t make any sense.
A single foreign mother in Japan
I became a single mother when my son was only 6 years old. I didn’t speak Japanese back then and had zero understanding of Japanese systems. It was just in time for my son to join elementary school. Japanese schools have dozens of paperwork that have to be filled and it has to be the same for everyone. The language barrier was a problem but not of a bigger problem than being a single mother. I didn’t have a husband and my son didn’t have a present father. I still had to do everything the same like everyone else. No exception and differences are not accepted. I remember being told I had to write my ex-husband name on the paperwork. It didn’t sit well the fact that I had just divorced. Finally writing his name down then being questioned about the different addresses and then being told that he would be listed as the emergency contact, was emotionally and mentally tiring. I just wished they could understand my situation for one second. I had to be strong for my son but I was dying inside.
A village to raise a child
In the documentary, famed author Mr. Robert Whiting speaks on how Japan changed from the post war era to the systems in place today. He talks about how it took a village to raise children and this reminded me of my neighbor who became my angel in the middle of my chaotic life. She helped when I needed it the most and when no one else was there for me. I didn’t reach out for help; she came to me when she realized I was a single mother. I don’t think I would be where I am today without her. I remember having early shifts and she would be the one to go downstairs and make sure my son is awake and ready for school on my behalf. Today, she holds the title “Japan mama” to me.
Even though my son is now grown and a university graduate, I still struggle with the guilt of leaving him alone. I am very aware of the impacts of childhood trauma and that worries me sometimes. Being in the mental health field has helped me set strategies on how to communicate with him to unlock the past. It is still work in progress.
I used to be upset with how single parenting / children were seen as taboo in Japanese society. I now understand that most people just don’t understand it. My hope is that this documentary will;
· Educate as many people as possible about the struggles that single parents face.
· That the society can be more accepting and involved in helping those families whether it is emotionally, mentally or physically.
· That the society will stop the social bias of single parents.
· That single parents will get motivated knowing that someone out there understands and cares about their wellbeing.
I’ve got much to say but will leave it there. Thank you Rionne for being an advocate for us single parents. Much respect!!
“Your today is not your tomorrow, keep going”.
Mary