This substack blog of mine is growing slowly. What started off as a place where I could leave my wrestling and aikido stories and thoughts behind once the day comes that I am no longer here to write them, has taken on a kind of metamorphosis. Thanks in no large part to our documentary The Ones Left Behind, this blog has recently become a place for people (often whom I do not know) to share their stories and comments anonymously. That’s ok with me. I am very happy that the film has given people the courage to speak up and tell their own stories.
I’d like to share parts of an email I received in Japanese. Indeed, it must have taken a lot of courage to put these words into an email. Below is the original email in Japanese, with the English translation underneath.
This story is heartbreaking, and it was very hard for me to read.
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2023年11月3日 文化の日
November 3rd, 2023 - Cultural Day (a national holiday in Japan)
匿名 anonymous
まず最初に、この映画を作成してくれたライオーンさんに心から感謝します。
First of all, I would like to express my sincere thanks to you for making this film.
この映画には、今の日本の多くの問題点が表れていると思いましたが、中でも、核家族化の問題点が浮き彫りになっていると思いました。
I thought that this film showed many problems in Japan today, and among them, I thought that it especially highlighted the problem of the nuclear family. (Editors note: Nuclear family - a family unit consisting of a mother and father and their children.)
「日本の子育ては親だけが責任を担って、親は自分の子供を私物化して、自分が死を選択するとき、子供も殺して自分も死ぬことを選択する」というような事が語られていましたが、私も一人の子供の親として、もし子供が未成年で、自分が死を選択せざるを得ない状況にあったなら、子供を残して死のうとは思わない。きっと、子供を殺して自分も死ぬことを選ぶと思う。
In your film, there is a line that says “In Japan, parents consider it their sole responsibility, and nobody else’s, to raise their children (Editors note: ie. without the help of grandparents or aunts, uncles). Parents, especially mothers, have made their children their personal belongings. When a parent chooses suicide, they choose to kill their children first and then kill themselves".
As a single mother myself, if my child were a minor and I decided to commit suicide, I would take my child with me as well. I would choose to kill my child and then myself.
なぜなら、子供を私物化しているからではなくて、私以外の誰も、息子が幸せになるようには育ててくれないと思うから。
Not because I am a selfish person, but because I don't think anyone but me would raise my son in a way that would make him happy.
私は、物心ついた頃から、両親の不仲に悩まされてきた。
Ever since I can remember, I have not gotten along well with my parents.
毎晩、父親はお酒を飲んでは、母親や私たち兄妹に暴力を振るうことを繰り返した。
Every night, my father would drink alcohol and repeatedly assault my mother, my siblings and me.
父親は泥酔しきった状態で暴力を振るうので、包丁を持ち出すなど、いつ殺されるか分からないほどの酷い暴力だった。
My father was so drunk and violent that he would take out a kitchen knife, or commit some other terrible form of violence. I always thought he could have killed us at any moment.
まだ幼い私たちに悪影響がないはずがなく、あまりの恐怖で、多くの精神的な異常が現れていた。
There is no way that this didn’t effect us as children. We were all still very young, and we were so terrified that many mental health issues started to take form.
今思えば失語症のような症状があり、話す事も文章を読む事ができず、1行読むのに10分以上かかってしまったり、夢遊病のように夜中に起きて外に出て行ったり、幽体離脱のような症状が度々起きて、幼いながらに自分の現状から逃げたい思いが現れていたのだと思う。
Looking back, I think that I had aphasia-like symptoms (Editors note: partial or total loss of the ability to articulate ideas or comprehend spoken or written language, resulting from damage to the brain from injury or disease). I could not speak or read sentences, it took me more than 10 minutes to read one line. I often woke up in the middle of the night and went outside as if I was sleepwalking. My desire to escape my present situation grew stronger and stronger, even though I was still very young.
毎日が恐怖しかなくて、友達と楽しく遊ぶとか、会話するとか、そういう通常のことすら出来なかった。
Every day was filled with nothing but fear, and I could not even do normal things such as play happily with friends or even have a simple conversation.
父親の怒鳴り声と、母親の悲鳴は、近所中に響き渡っていたのに、誰も助けてはくれなかった。
My father's yelling and my mother's screams of terror echoed throughout the neighborhood, but not a single person offered to help us. (Editor’s note: seeing people’s SOS cries for help is a key message in the film)
次の日会っても、ただ「おはよう」と言うだけで、「昨日大丈夫だった?」などケアされた事など一度もない。皆、見て見ぬふりをする。他人の家の子供を守ろうともしないし、気にかけてくれることもない。
When I saw our neighbors the next day, they simply greeted us with a "good morning." I was never once asked if things were ok. Everyone knew but they pretended not to. They didn’t care. They never tried to protect the children in other people's homes, nor did they care about them.
幼かった私は、自分の現状を正しく理解することさえ全く出来ない為、こんな酷い毎日は、自分が悪い子だからなのだと理解した。大人になってから知ったことだけれど、親の夫婦喧嘩に対して自分が悪い子だからだと思う子供は多いらしい。
As a young child, I was completely unable to understand my situation, so I blamed myself. I told myself I was a bad child. As I grew older, I learned that many children think they are to blame for their parents' marital quarrels.
そして、自分に対しての自尊心も育たず、その自信のなさは、大人になってからも継続され、自分の人生に大きな悪影響を与えた。もし、あの時、誰か助けてくれる大人が居たら、もう少しまともな人生だっただろうな。。。といつも思ってた。
I never developed any self-esteem, and this lack of self-confidence continued into adulthood and had a major negative impact on my life. I always thought that if there had been an adult around who could have helped me then, my life would have been a little more normal now, that life may be better.
子供は親を選んで産まれてくることはできず、自分で住む家を選択することも出来ない。それがシングルマザーであっても、どれだけ理不尽な両親であっても、ただ我慢して、その親に適応する以外に選択肢はない。
Children do not get to choose their parents, and they do not get to choose where they live. Whether you are a child of a single mother or a child with parents like mine, there is no choice but to just put up with what is happening and adapt to them.
もし、夢が持てるような環境に育ったなら、今、やりたかったな。。って思うことは沢山あるのに。
If I had grown up in an environment where I could have had dreams, there are so many things I wish I could have done now.
裕福な家庭に生まれ、良い親の元で、良い教育を受けて、良い大学へ進学し、優良企業に就職する。そんな人が居る一方で、最悪の親の元に生まれ育ち、自分一人ではどうしようもならない人生を生きなければならない人達が居る。
There are people who are born into wealthy families, have good parents, receive a good education, go to a good university, and get a good job at a good company. On the other hand, there are people who were born and raised by the worst kind of parents and have to live a life that they cannot handle on their own.
たとえそれが分かっていても、自分だけが良ければそれで良い。自分の成功だけしか考えない。今の日本の世の中、そんな人たちが増えているように思う。
Most of us, when we meet these people less fortunate than ourselves, we are only concerned with what we are doing, in our own success. I think there are more and more people like that in Japan today.
そんな人達に聞いてみたい。「明日は我が身。もしあなたが、誰かに助けてもらえなかったらどうにもならない人生に陥ったとしたら、そして誰も助けてくれる人が居なかったらどうしますか?」って。
I would like to ask these people something. If things changed for the worse for you tomorrow, what would you do if you were trapped in a life of hell, and there was no one to help you?
きっと多くの人が、その時になったら、自殺を選択する以外に道が見つからないのではないかと思う。
I am sure that many people, when this time comes, would have no other option but to choose suicide.
日本では、毎年2万人以上の人が自殺している。
In Japan, more than 20,000 people commit suicide every year.
私も、7年前自殺を試みた事がある。
7 years ago, I too tried to commit suicide.
その時の気持ちを言うならば、「誰も助けてくれない。自分の生きる限界が来た」という感じだった。
If I were to describe my feelings at that time, I would simply say that I thought I had reached the limit of my life and that no one will help me.
やれる事は全てやり尽くした。全力で努力した。だけど、もう出来なかった。乗り越える知恵さえなかった。精神も限界だった。
I thought I had done everything I could have done. I tried with all my might but I just couldn't go one anymore. I didn’t want to fight anymore and my mind was past breaking point.
ライオーンさんの映画を観て思ったのは、これは、シングルマザーだけの問題ではなく、日本の世の中が他人の事よりも、自分だけを守ることや、自分だけの利益ばかりを考えるようになった事が大きな問題なのではないかと思いました。
After watching your movie, I thought that this is not only a problem of single mothers, but that the major problem is that Japanese society has become more concerned with protecting and benefiting only ourselves, rather than trying to help others as well.
世界上位国だった日本が、今衰退してきている原因も、これに起因しているように思う。
I think this is also the reason why Japan, once one of the top countries in the world, is now in decline.
これからの日本がより良くなる為にも、個々の利益よりも、全体の利益を考え、もっと助け合う世の中を作るべきなのではないかと思います。
In order for Japan to become a better country in the future, I think we should think about the interests of the whole rather than individual interests, and create a world where people help each other more.
映画の中で、今の子供たちに先行投資することを話されていた方が居ましたが、今の子供たちを守り、貧富の差による教育の格差をなくして、どの子にもしっかり教育を与えることこそが、将来の日本にとっての重要なことであり、たとえ自分の子供だけが良くなったところで、日本全体が良くならなければ、所詮はその子供も苦しむことになる。
In the movie, there was a person who talked about investing in the children of today, to pave way for the future. Protecting the children of today, eliminating the disparity in education between rich and poor, and giving every child a good education are the most important things for the future of Japan. If Japan as a whole does not improve, our children will suffer.
この映画は、日本の重要な問題点に焦点が当てられていると思います。作成してくださったライオーンさんに本当に心から感謝します。
I think this film focuses on an important issue for Japan. I would like to express my sincere thanks to Rionne for creating it.
Very moving